Every relationship is different. When I met my husband, there were instant sparks. I knew he was the person I'd marry. We started to date immediately and got married less than a year later. For other people, it's different.

I know when I was still single, I had other single friends telling me what I should/shouldn't do. Looking back, that's ridiculous. Why would I take advice from people who only had failed relationships and not successful ones? So, as someone in a successful relationship, let me tell you that every relationship starts differently so don't pigeonhole yourself into what one person thinks. When it feels right, it just feels right, whether it's instantly, after a month, after a year or after 10 years!

I think that all of my relationships were "successful" because of what they taught me.

As for how they started? My first marriage was dictated by circumstances, and I did love him, but we weren't a good fit. After that, it was all about instant attraction.

And all of them put together were not as satisfying as the one I'm in now, which started here, then moved to e-mail and audio-only Skype. By the time Kal and I met in person, we were already in love and the physical chemistry was instant and overwhelming.

I think that physical chemistry is necessary because sex is part of a healthy, adult relationship. But, I also think that a lot of people attach too much importance to it as the *basis* of a relationship. It's the ice cream on the pie, and it melts. So, attraction is a good starting point, but there have to be connections on other levels, too.

I met him online. We talked for about 2 months, then had our first date. I left it, rang my friend and said that night "no hes not for me- hes not my type" but there was something that drew me back again and again. We saw more of eachother in the coming months and love blossomed.

I met my boyfriend while working in a wine shop together. He was actually in a long relationship at the time and I had a bit of a crush on him but never thought anything would come of it. We ended up being really great friends for about 6 weeks and then he finally told me he had a crush on me. I told him I had one too. A week later, he broke up with his girlfriend and now 2 1/2 years later, we've been living together for almost a year.

I definitely had an instant spark with him because he was just this really interesting person, however since I knew he was off limits, I didn't really think about the physical attraction part right away, I just thought I had a little crush on him and that he'd be a good friend to me.

So, that all being said, I think it depends on the person and the relationship. For example, I know my brother and his wife had an instant attraction and started dating immediately when they met, for AJ and I, due to circumstances, it took a bit longer. So, keep your mind open to everyone. Sometimes you have an instant attraction, sometimes it grows, it all just depends on the two people involved. I will say that once AJ and I took that dive, I never questioned it and never looked back because it just felt so right and we fit together so well. Now not every relationship is like this, however since this is my own relationship that has not resulted in a break up, this is the best success story I can give you!

I think most relationships do start with the initial physical attraction but there are people who say they weren't attracted at all to someone they end up married to for a gazillion years. I have a hard time believing though, that they thought the other person was UNattractive, if you know what I mean.

After that, it depends. I talked to a guy once who was immensely attracted to a woman because she was so beautiful but after talking to her for awhile, he said she was so dumb he could not see himself with her at all and so did not even pursue a short, physical relationship.

The physical makes you notice. After that though, there has to be a lot more to make a relationship successful.

Dunno, Josephine. I can tell you that my sister was definitely NOT initially attracted to the man who would eventually become her husband of 15 years and counting. Still, I suppose it depends on the emphasis you're putting on the word "unattractive" -- whether it means a shade below neutral, or outright repellent.

As for Robynne and me ... as almost everyone here knows, we fell in love completely backwards from the way most people do it. It worked *brilliantly* for us, but of course, YMMV.

It is just so bizarre that Kal and Robynne are so in sync that they have the same writing patterns and sound exactly the same! An Advice Vixen Romance, who knew that this was a dating site as well as an advice space! Is there a picture somewhere dispalying your love? It's like something out of a Meg Ryan movie!

You're not the first to have asked, Micky!

However, Robynne and I are starting to think of our relationship as transcending the realms of mere photography. (If only because it's a more poetic excuse for a lack of pictures than "camera shyness"...)

But yes, alright, fine. There are -- I swear! -- photos coming.

We sound the same?

Yes! When I read your words in my head, they sound the same! The same cadence, same sayings, same way of typing! Now I sound crazy talking about the voices in my head but I sure do hope you know what I mean by that! It is like reading the same person when I read both of your posts! I know lots of couples who pick up each others speech patterns so this is like that, just with writing!

I think it would be hard for someone to fall for someone they thought was repellent in their looks somehow, not just "not their type" or whatever.

Of course, even what we think of as somewhat ugly can change to "cute" or "endearing" if we get to know a person but if someone is actively repelled? I don't know.

Who are you to judge what a "successful" relationship is and what an "unsuccessful" relationship is? Does observation count for nothing? Or can only people who are actually married give advice to people who want to be in a relationship?

Because, lemme tellya, a pair of my friends who had been married 30 years recently got divorced and I'm certainly rethinking my own definition of a successful relationship! They were SOLID. Amazing couple. Simply amazing. With 2 beautiful children, wonderful careers (and stability).

No, you don't sound crazy at all! Everyone has a written voice, and each one is unique.

I was surprised because -- aside from using *s as emphasis -- I didn't think our writing styles were that similar. I guess they are, though.

Whoa! I'm sorry Maggie. I didn't mean to hit a wrong note with you! And I certainly didn't mean to make you go on the defensive! I was answering from my own experience with my single friends in my early 20's! I am so sorry if what I said bothered you! That was never what I meant to do!

I told my sister I was marrying him after our second date. We'll be married 10 years in April.

You haven't answered my questions. I was actually asking.

We were penpals while he was serving time in prison.

Yes, we were!!

We redefined what it means to go down in Dwight.

We connected beautifully in our conversation. Lots of common interests and just a fun night al-together - we met at 11 PM and hung out until 5:30 AM, just talking, sipping wine and dancing together, just the two of us.

At first there was quite a bit of physical attraction on both ends and endless amounts physical-chemistry. Endless.
After a few months of dating, we experienced a lot of bumps, none of which I will get into at this time.

Over time we experienced a lot of doubts because of various different issues but worked through them slowly and with patience. We definitely bent to meet the others needs and expectations as long as we felt they were do-able and not unreasonable. All in all, we want(ed) the best for one another in regard to success, good health and happiness, even if that meant to be without the other.

In recognizing this we had this connection which kept bringing us back into one another's lives and consciously we put the effort our relationship needed to be where it is at today, which is definitely not close to perfect, but overall happy and a hell of a lot of fun!
We seem to be there for one another during any rough times and are a huge support in every way fathomable. We are extremely loyal and feel we get a lot more out of being in a relationship with one another than apart.

At this time, this is where we are.

Let's see where we go from here.